eat my job!

“When She Gets Her Meds Right, She’s Really Normal”

I should have known something was wrong when I first met my boss “Rynai” – who insists on that spelling although her legal name is actually Renee (b/c she’s an arrogant b*tch who thinks she’s a French designer or something). Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I assumed she was just another all too [...]

I should have known something was wrong when I first met my boss “Rynai” – who insists on that spelling although her legal name is actually Renee (b/c she’s an arrogant b*tch who thinks she’s a French designer or something). Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I assumed she was just another all too sophisticated, wannabe Carrie Bradshaw. However, I soon discovered that there are human beings who are downright out of their minds.

I first noticed something was off when I started some on graphic design work for a flyer. It was supposed to have been sent out 2 weeks prior but Rynai had forgotten about it. I completed the flyer as asked, only to return to her with the finished product 2 hours later and she attacked all of the changes I made – the things she had just told me that she wanted changed:

ME: “But you said you wanted it to look like this”
RYNAI: “Are you sure? No, I wouldn’t have done that. Did I say that? I can’t remember!”

I’m talking the most erratic short term memory – worse than a goldfish! You could tell her the time, and she’d ask you again 2 minutes later. Don’t even expect her to remember an appointment!

So I realized there were some brain cell issues here. But this under the influence of any alcohol or narcotics was truly a Molotov cocktail.

One morning she frantically called the office to have me send her dental history from one place to another within an hour. Apparently she spontaneously decided to switch oral surgeons in the middle of a procedure. (Who does that????)

So fine, I do my job, yell at a few couriers myself, and get her the documents she needs on time. No harm done- Rynai was having a root canal and would be out of the office for the rest of the day. I could relax and not have to worry about the b*tch until tomorrow…..

Except my phone rang and it was the receptionist from downstairs calling to warn me that Rynai was on her way up, but that there was something seriously wrong with her….

She came stumbling through the door with a swollen face, half doped up on novacane, and slammed the door to her office behind her. She summoned our Sales Manager from downstairs, a regular partner in crime of hers, with whom she routinely gossiped profanely and got drunk.

My voicemail was being inundated with messages from Rynai in a deteriorating slurred speech asking me “vaatt fing… I ahsd joo tu ghet me vaat fiing” (I asked you to get me that thing) – when she was clearly slipping in and out of coherence and never asked for any such ‘thing’. Then she told me she really didn’t want me as her assistant because I didn’t know how to help her.

The Sales Manager burst out of the office screaming about how she can’t work with such a crazy bitch and went downstairs. She then called me from her desk to inform me that Rynai had taken 3 consecutive Vicodin pills while she was in her office. Apparently this is a regular issue.

Following this incident I was cleaning out her office and learnt that she was literally on EVERYTHING from A-Z ranging from antidepressants, allergy medication and general neural health. Her previous assistant told me “when she gets her meds right, she’s really normal”. But with so many little pills, in different shapes and colors …. I guess she just couldn’t keep track of them!

This is an actual dialogue that took place, which is so etched into my brain that I can recount it for you here:

(phone rings…)
ME: Hello?
RYNAI: (gasping and shrieking)
ME: Rynai? Where are you?
RYNAI: WHAT TIME IS IT!!
ME: Its 3…are you at home?
RYNAI: I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED!
ME: Did you fall asleep?
RYNAI: I think I just slept until now…
ME: But you were e-mailing me earlier today…
RYNAI: Was I? No I wasn’t.
ME: Yes…you were. You have an appointment at 3:30…
RYNAI: What should I do? WHAT HAPPENED?!
ME: I think we should cancel your appointment, and you should evaluate exactly that.
RYNAI: Oh my God ….Did I have a stroke? What’s going on? … I ONLY HAD A COUPLE GLASSES OF WINE!
ME: At 10 in the morning?
(Rynai hangs up) … She ended up coming in at 4:30pm..and tried to get me to stay late because of it

I have since left my job as Rynai’s assistant and am very happily looking for new employment. May this testament to her craziness live on forever in cyberspace – my revenge will be eternal.

(0) Comments Permalink